• Skip to content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Dawn Klingensmith

Writer

  • Bio
  • Samples
  • Blog
  • Services
  • Contact

Insomniacs give new meaning to the phrase “Sleep like the dead”

July 20, 2016 By Dawn Leave a Comment

The killer insomnia cure that slayed me.

Don’t look now, but there’s an axe murderer behind you and he’s about to break into a lullaby. CC/Flickr photo by Alyssa L. Miller.
Don’t look now, but there’s an axe murderer behind you and he’s about to break into a lullaby. CC/Flickr photo by Alyssa L. Miller.

What could be more relaxing and conducive to a restful night’s sleep than picturing a murderer standing over you ready to pounce at the first sign of movement? There are people who swear by this method of overcoming insomnia.

Here’s how it works, according to Deadspin deputy editor Barry Petchesky. Pretend there’s a killer in the room who’s trying to determine whether the lump on the bed is a “living, breathing, potential victim” as opposed to a pile of bed clothes. The idea is to lie perfectly still, breathing deeply and evenly, until the murderer gives up and merciful sleep arrives in his stead.

Conjuring the killer supposedly works because the brain takes cues from the body, so acting as though you’re in a deep sleep will make your brain slow down and eventually shut off.

In all my battles with insomnia over the years, I’d never even thought about conjuring a bedside killer. However, I do imagine scenarios I hope will put me to sleep, and they are not as serene as they are sanguinary. Here’s my method. Pretend you’re in a war zone and it’s your turn to sleep while someone else stands watch. Your comrades are counting on you to sleep well because soon it will be your turn to watch over them and you’ll need to be alert. You must sleep soundly because the slightest movement will give your position away to the enemy. (Or to a lion if you’re engaging in jungle warfare. There’s room for creativity.) When you start to imagine the feel of the cold hard ground and the imminent threat of attack, you’ll appreciate how comfy and safe your bed is, let down your guard, and fall asleep.

I’m open to new ways of doing things, so I gave the imaginary murderer an audition. I don’t recommend this method. It put me to sleep but not before priming the nightmare pump. The killer didn’t depart when I entered dreamland but invaded one bad dream after another, at one point astride a rabid alpaca. Titter if you must but it was frightening AF and when I woke up in the wee hours I was scared to go back to sleep!

I’ll go back to playing GI Jane to put myself to sleep, or maybe try some sensible tips like doing a Corey Hart impression.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Writer's Life Tagged With: health

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

About Word Tonic

Sundry topics that tickle my fancy: writing for fun and profit; health; culture; relationships; marketing; feline psychology. With a lemon twist.

Dawn Klingensmith Copywriter

About Dawn Klingensmith

Story assembler and serial deadline slayer. Oxford comma convert. (Sorry, Associated Press.) Random likes: cabernet franc, colored Sharpies, Chicago storefront theatre, old-school paper planners, and cats in sunbeams.

LEARN MORE

WRITER FOR HIRE

Contact Dawn

Email: info@dawnklingensmith.com
Telephone: (773) 991-1472

Recent Posts

  • The Kick Inside
  • A Thousand Daily Losses and a Lesson in Letting Go
  • I Can’t Find the Words
  • What Boobies Have Taught Me About Milking the Most Out of Life
  • The Long Goodbye

Categories

Archives

Copyright © 2023 Dawn Klingensmith • Site Design: Ilsa Brink

 

Loading Comments...